What were the mixed ways Orwell reacted to the hatred he received

As a young colonial police officer in Burma, Orwell loathes his job and is hated by the Burmese. On the one hand, he notes that in Burma he perceives what the British Empire is doing and is appalled by it. For example, he sees the scarred buttocks of natives who have been beaten with bamboos by the British and the "cowed" faces of the long-term prisoners. All of this makes him feel guilty about the British presence in that country. He is very much against imperialism, calling it an "evil thing." He says that he is "all for the Burmese" and against their British oppressors.
On the other hand, he reacts to the hatred the Burmese have for him by returning it. He dislikes the way the Burmese enjoy humiliating him and the way they shoot jeering insults at him when he is too far away to respond. He says he would like to kill one of the jeering Buddhist priests: "I thought that the greatest joy in the world would be to drive a bayonet into a Buddhist priest's guts."
Orwell says this reaction is "normal" for an imperial police officer. His point is that imperialism is a system that brings out the worst in all the participants and forces everyone involved to do inhumane, wasteful, and stupid things. His chief example is killing the elephant, who was harming no one.